chuck norris is BAMF

I used to think all those Chuck Norris jokes were pretty lame...but they have kind of grown on me. Tom and I went to the Virgin megastore on my break from work yesterday and, though I didn't want to spend any money, I ended up spending $10 for a book chock full of Chuck Norris jokes.

A few prime examples for your entertainment...

1. Chuck Norris got drunk and fucked the Statue of Liberty, then bragged about it to the Lincoln Memorial.
2. Ever see the Grand Canyon? Chuck Norris had nothing to do with it, he just went there on a family vacation.
3. Occasionally Chuck Norris will call up the Power Rangers just to say hi.
4. Chuck Norris eats pencils and markers for breakfast, and he shits out masterpieces.
5. Chuck Norris can stop time for up to two hours by thinking about pineapples.
6. Chuck Norris was the first person to tame a dinosaur.
7. If Chuck Norris had a dollar and you had a dollar, Chuck Norris would kick your ass and take your dollar.
8. Chuck Norris will never be fully male nor female. Doctors once asked him which he preferred. He gave them an ad for Total Gym.
9. Chuck Norris began the Church of England in 1799, back when his nickname was "England."
10. Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying, "Booya."
11. Chuck Norris invented the measurement, the "yard," as it was much easier to say than "Hi, my name is Chuck Norris and my dick is three feet long."
12. Chuck Norris once inhaled a seagull.
13. Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.
14. Rainbows are what happens when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks Richard Simmons.
15. Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.
16. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
17. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked Bruce Lee, breaking him in half. The result was Jet Li and Jackie Chan.
18. If a tree falls in the middle of the forest and no one is anywhere around, rest assured Chuck Norris heard it.
19. Chuck Norris was the original Danny Tanner on "Full House." He was replaced by Bob Saget after an unfortunate incident with one of the Olsen triplets.
20. Jesus owns and wears a bracelet that reads "WWCND?"
21. The Virgin Mary saw Chuck Norris in her grilled cheese sandwich.
22. Chuck Norris once played Jenga. The result was the Empire State Building.
23. Chuck Norris secretly sleeps with every woman in the world once a month. They bleed for five days as a result.
24. Ozzy Osbourne once bit the head off of a bat. Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris then bit the head off of Batman.
25. Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris's PC will crash.

Well that's just some of them. Go buy the book if you want to read more :)