the rockette blog.

Last night, as my cab drove me by Radio City Music Hall, I started to well up with tears...

You know I have been dancing for my entire life. I ate, slept and breathed dance nearly every day for the past 15 years. Most of my childhood memories include dance: recitals, class, dancing in the backyard. I moved out here to New York City expecting to continue, to dance almost every day. Well unexpected things happened: crazy class schedules, work, the dance schedules not being perfect for my schedule, but still I managed to take class at least once a week (including the dance class for school). There were times I wished I was a dance major and thought about auditioning, just so I could dance every day. Then in January and early February I took class 2 or 3 times a week.

Then I stopped dancing altogether. My class schedule took me until the early afternoon and then I had time for homework, then work at my new job at Broadway and Off-Broadway shows. I didn't want to quit. I knew I wasn't quitting forever, either. I just hadn't had a break in about 15 years, and I think it was much needed. I wished that I had my mom here so she could make me make the trek across the park and take class. But she wasn't here. No one was. I had to figure out what I wanted to do on my own.

I signed up for the Rockette Summer Intensive for the 5th time, knowing that it would get me back into the swing of things. I planned to take classes before it started, but hardly got the chance.

So I began this week, at the Summer Intensive. On Sunday I felt completely comfortable and at home seeing the face of Eileen, the Rockette who has been there for me all 5 years. Also Stevi, who was our favorite Rockette last year. They are so supportive and really want us to succeed. Sunday night after class I felt wonderful. I knew I was going to be sore, but I felt alive again.

Last night Stevi gave the same speech she did last year, but this year had a much different effect on me. She started by saying that we have already beaten out hundreds if not thousands of people to get into this class, and more and more try every year. She said that we have come so far and we are closer than most people will ever get to being a Rockette. She said we can all make it if we want to. She said how you can be in 50 different Broadway shows and people say "Oh really...Which ones?" But you can say you are a Radio City Rockette and their expression is more recognition and awe. It is so much more impressive...

I'm sure I wasn't the only one tearing up, I think my friend Lezlie did too. But after yesterday being frustrated in class because we weren't picking up the steps, this speech hit me harder.

The next audition is August 5th. I am going. So many people have told me I'll get in and blah blah blah, but I'm not going to do it so people can see me on that stage. I am going to do it for me. Because the emotions that rush over me when I am standing on the stage at Radio City, or even just driving by the brilliant blue and red lights at eleven o'clock at night, are like no Broadway show has ever made me feel...

.jmm.